Outsider (NaBloPoMo #8)

I hate being an outsider. I guess part of the reason why I hate it so much is because I always feel like one. I cant remember a time that I really felt that I belonged somewhere. I guess when I was at my old dance studio. I felt like an insider. I belonged there because I had been there since ever.

Now I feel like I cant be an insider because I am an insider. That doesn't really make sense, but it does. I'm the owners kid, I feel like I'm not especially friends with anyone at the studio because I feel like I'm a spy of sorts. I also am older than most of them. Of course that doesn't mean that I am really friends with other teachers either. Kristy's older than me and she is also my teacher as well as being a coworker, so that is complicated. Kristin, while she is a decent person and I don't think she is absolutely horrible, she just isn't who I have a real desire to be great friends with.

Sorry, I should tell you what brought this on. I went to the Pinon meeting and, while it was pretty fun, I felt like a retard most of the time. I felt like an outsider. I know I expected it but feeling it and wanting so much to be part of a group right now, it was not very easy for me. I don't know. I guess I'm waiting to feel like I belong and nothing that I try works. Pinon is just another attempt to be a part of a group and I just don't know if it's going to work . . .