I just want everything to come to a stand still. Give me a few hours that I can do anything and not worry about other things that I have to do. Time that I could just sit and do nothing during. I cant deal with this constant stress about math and dance and bio. I just need time. But I have to wait a month for that and I don't know if I can wait that long and if I do I don't know if I can enjoy it knowing that I have to go back to this constant stress.
Having an emotional breakdown every Thursday plus one every time something is due in math cant be healthy but I cant help it I cant quit or I wont get my AA and I really need that.
I don't know what to do. I cant even really ask my family for help cause they're all stressed too and whatever space they have to help someone else is taken up by Kimmy's stress cause she has super hard classes.
I'm just at a loss.
I need help!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Boyfriends
I just realized (Which makes me kinda stupid for just realizing it now) that apparently everyone thinks I'm so desperate for a boyfriend or just so unattractive to guys that the only guys that would want date me are either on the rebound of desperate . . . and . . . the desperate guy doesn't even want to go out with me. At this point I'm just trying to keep myself thinking that I just need to wait for the right guy even if he is ten years away. I would really like to have a boyfriend but I guess it's not time yet. Which sucks but, oh well.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
I Hate Math!!!!
I hate math!!!!! So much!!!! Every time I think I've got it something changes and it doesn't make sense again. I always feel soooooo stupid when I do math. Especially when things stop being as hard as they were when I first learned them. Cause then I'm just an idiot that makes everything harder than it actually is. Ugh! I Hate Math!!!!!
Friday, August 21, 2009
Feeling Lonely
I'm so sick of feeling lonely. I'm sick of always wanting a boyfriend and almost always thinking of having a boyfriend. I want to stop but I cant seem to. I'm sick of crying over this but I cant stop. Every time I think I'm getting over it, forgetting it, something comes up and I end up crying again. Now it seems every week I get over it and then the weekend comes and I'm surrounded by reminders that I don't have anyone. And to make matters worse Jacen is constantly talking about guys and boyfriends and crushes around me. He's always asking what I like in a guy and who I like and what I'm doing to get them to notice me. And then when I say I'm not doing anything cause I'm too shy to he starts going on about how guys probably just think I'm out of their league. Yeah right. I'm sorry that that's the natural response out of every girl but seriously. The guys I'm around have been around me for years and you're telling me not one of them has the courage to ask out the girl who never has a guy romantically linked to her . . . ever? That just isn't plausible.
Monday, July 27, 2009
My Last Month
So right now I am driving through Texas on the way home from Mississippi after a month long dance intensive with Ballet Magnificat! which was pretty fun. I'm going to post the in depth description of it on my dance blog so look there cause I'm not gonna post it on both cause that's kinda pointless. I will say here that I am so ecstatic to be heading home to see everyone even though I am kind of missing everyone I met there. I wish I could just take all of my new friends home with me. But right now I am looking forward to getting home and seeing Kimmy and Hunter and Talan and Jessica and all of my friends. I missed everyone so so so so much while I was gone.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Catching Up
Sorry I never posted anything about the actual recital night, I just didn't feel like it and this is all I have to say: It went Amazing! It was really fun, and everything went so smoothly.
After recital I had a week off of everything and then I had VBS at church which was awesome! It was really fun, especially cause I had Davina, one of the little little girls from the studio, in my class. One day I ended up in charge of 9 girls! That was almost all of the girls in our group! Most of the boys ended up gravitating toward some Jr. high/freshman (No idea what grade he's actually in) who was really boring, always had a coffee cup in his hands, and barely even did the motions. But he was the only guy leader that wasn't the old dude.
The Saturday after VBS Kim and I left with half of the SMI (Student Missionary Internship) people, which account for less than half of our high school group, on a charter bus to Colorado. It was a two day drive with lots of people I don't like and not many people I do. We stayed for a week and Kim and I each had a different team of about five that did two VBS' a day for the whole week and then we got to get back in the bus with, I think it was, 73-75 teens and adults (Mostly teens), and drive two days home. Which is were I am now, stressing about the fact that I lever for my intensive in four days. AHHHH!
So, it's kinda late and I haven't gotten much sleep this week so I'm going to wait until tomorrow to type out all of the main points of my SMI trip for you but I promise I will tomorrow! I have nothing better to do and I have missed my computer. So I will write again tomorrow afternoon.
After recital I had a week off of everything and then I had VBS at church which was awesome! It was really fun, especially cause I had Davina, one of the little little girls from the studio, in my class. One day I ended up in charge of 9 girls! That was almost all of the girls in our group! Most of the boys ended up gravitating toward some Jr. high/freshman (No idea what grade he's actually in) who was really boring, always had a coffee cup in his hands, and barely even did the motions. But he was the only guy leader that wasn't the old dude.
The Saturday after VBS Kim and I left with half of the SMI (Student Missionary Internship) people, which account for less than half of our high school group, on a charter bus to Colorado. It was a two day drive with lots of people I don't like and not many people I do. We stayed for a week and Kim and I each had a different team of about five that did two VBS' a day for the whole week and then we got to get back in the bus with, I think it was, 73-75 teens and adults (Mostly teens), and drive two days home. Which is were I am now, stressing about the fact that I lever for my intensive in four days. AHHHH!
So, it's kinda late and I haven't gotten much sleep this week so I'm going to wait until tomorrow to type out all of the main points of my SMI trip for you but I promise I will tomorrow! I have nothing better to do and I have missed my computer. So I will write again tomorrow afternoon.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Bad Weekend
My weekend has not been fun. I love my family and all but not so much as to have wanted them over for the weekend. But, family tends not to do what you want them to do so on a weekend that I really just wanna be alone, my house is taken over my my nephews who live in the middle of nowhere so we don't see them much. It probably wouldn't have been so bad if they were a little closer in age but no, one is 10 or 11 (Again they live in the middle of nowhere and I don't see them often) and the other is somewhere around a year old.
The 10-11 year old, having been an only child for 10-11 years of his life, is in constant need of a buddy to play with. (When I want to be alone) And the 1 year old, having been spoiled for his whole year-or-so long life is also in need of constant attention. The one year old also has medical problems that his mother has blown way out of proportion which means he is attached, 24/7, to an IV pole that holds a bag of formula that he is fed through a tube in his nose cause he has acid reflux. (In other words, he spit up and then got a cold or something which lead to a sore throat which lead to the conclusion that he has acid reflux and needs a feeding tube.) So obviously Kim and I don't want to be responsible for a spoiled 1 year old baby attached to a pole so we end up with the 10-11 year old. Don't get me wrong, I love Brandon (the 10-11 year old), but, again, I wanted to be left alone. Needless to say that didn't happen.
Then, add to that the fact that I went to sleep at 3 the morning before they arrived, I had to get up at 7 the next morning, I hadn't gotten much sleep the whole week before they showed up, and I have been stressing about the recital (Which is this weekend) and about the intensive (Which I leave for in less than a month and wont have enough money for so I'm going to be in debt all summer.) This weekend was not the best idea.
But wait, there's more. Brandon ends up taking over the TV room so I cant even vege out. And today, when they are supposed to be picked up we were told that their parents were gonna come get them sometime in the afternoon. Apparently, afternoon includes 8 o'clock at night because that's when they showed up. I love my family I want to spend time with them but we aren't a babysitting service. If you say you are going to pick them up around some time, pick them up then!
The 10-11 year old, having been an only child for 10-11 years of his life, is in constant need of a buddy to play with. (When I want to be alone) And the 1 year old, having been spoiled for his whole year-or-so long life is also in need of constant attention. The one year old also has medical problems that his mother has blown way out of proportion which means he is attached, 24/7, to an IV pole that holds a bag of formula that he is fed through a tube in his nose cause he has acid reflux. (In other words, he spit up and then got a cold or something which lead to a sore throat which lead to the conclusion that he has acid reflux and needs a feeding tube.) So obviously Kim and I don't want to be responsible for a spoiled 1 year old baby attached to a pole so we end up with the 10-11 year old. Don't get me wrong, I love Brandon (the 10-11 year old), but, again, I wanted to be left alone. Needless to say that didn't happen.
Then, add to that the fact that I went to sleep at 3 the morning before they arrived, I had to get up at 7 the next morning, I hadn't gotten much sleep the whole week before they showed up, and I have been stressing about the recital (Which is this weekend) and about the intensive (Which I leave for in less than a month and wont have enough money for so I'm going to be in debt all summer.) This weekend was not the best idea.
But wait, there's more. Brandon ends up taking over the TV room so I cant even vege out. And today, when they are supposed to be picked up we were told that their parents were gonna come get them sometime in the afternoon. Apparently, afternoon includes 8 o'clock at night because that's when they showed up. I love my family I want to spend time with them but we aren't a babysitting service. If you say you are going to pick them up around some time, pick them up then!
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