T.M.I.

I realize everyone else's lives are interesting. And there are times when there really cool things that people actually want to know about. But, When I am already not in a good mood I don't really want to hear about your boyfriend's friend's (Who I have only seen in person once . . . at a distance) tramp stamp . . . or his Micky Mouse outfit for that matter.
I also don't really feel up to you making fun of me for something that, seeing as you haven't been living with me for more than a week, you know nothing about.
and lets not forget your criticism of my teaching skills, the decisions I make for my dog, my choice in friends, and just my general personality.
So you might think that this is a friend that I should tell to hit the road, but unfortunately, I have no choice as this is my sister I am talking about, and this is one after noon, in fact it is actually all of 30 minutes that she managed to fit all of this annoyance plus some. Right now the only reason I am not incredibly mad at her is because I get to go home and spend the night alone. For once that is a good thing.

Sorry about the rant but i just had to get it out and there is no other appropriate way to do it.

Of course my sister is always like this and the only reason it is getting to me is because I spent my day trying to figure out what i am supposed to be doing with my life and having absolutely no success.
The other day i was going to make the PostSecret card that I want to send so I could cross that off my Day Zero list. This lead me to try and figure out how to summerize my problems or secrets. That did not work out but one of the things I was trying to make work was one about how everyone keeps telling me that God has a plan and I am trying to trust that and get some clues as to where that plan leads but I am just so tired of waiting! Waiting for a guy, waiting for a direction in life, waiting for a friend I can actually confide in.
No, I'm not just sitting on my butt waiting but doing the things I'm doing are getting me nowhere and I have no idea what else to do. Even the people I know that aren't sure of what they're doing at least have a direction, I am graduating next May and my best idea for a job is to work at the front desk of a hotel . . . ohh exciting! (Note the sarcasm.)
What the heck am I supposed to do???? I feel so lost. I just wish people would stop reminding me so I could live with the feeling locked away and be able to pretend that I am fine.

Endings (NaBloPoMo #30)

Endings can be sweet and sour. Today was the ending of a lot of things.

Sweet Endings:
1. NaBloPoMo, I have enjoyed getting a lot of things sorted out through this blog but feeling like i had to post was stressful.
2. First month of Project 365, I haven't been very good with posting lately but it's cool to have 30 pictures down and liking most of them.
3. First month of Day Zero finished, Not as much as I thought I would have done, finished but its a good start.
4. Script Frenzy! I'm finished! I only had about 75 pages that were pretty easy and then the rest was a struggle but I am finally done!

Sour:
1.No more park performances for dance. We basically burned the skin off our feet trying to dance one a black floor at the beginning of summer.
2. End of so many things and yet school continues :-(

Negativity (NaBloPoMo #29)

I am so tired of hearing negativity! Kim and I went to FMSC and there were a bunch of 2nd graders there and Kim has been in a bad mood the rest of the day. Going in it was obvious that this was going to be slower than normal, its a bunch of little kids. Now the rest of the day she has been mad about everything. Everything is ten times more dramatic than it needs to be. and she was just complaining that everyone else is being over dramatic. Ugh I am almost looking forward to the Pinion meeting tonight and I really wasnt earlier. Can I just fast forward the next hour and a half?

Mommy's Day (NaBloPoMo #28)

So I've already gotten or ordered all of moms stuff for Mothers day and now I am contemplating getting something for Kim. No, Kim is not pregnant. I just thought since her pet snake dies and her skink is having some health issues right now and plus having such a difficult semester on top of that, she is as good as a mom. My only problem at this point is that I don't wanna take the day away from mom since she doesn't really get that much recognition in the first place, I don't want to be rude. I dunno, I'll probably just end up not doing it but I will think about it while I am sitting in the bath tub for my spa night tonight. Speaking of which I need to finish some reading for school so I don't feel too guilty when I'm not reading it later. :-)

Black Hole Suckyness (NaBloPoMo #27)

So my presentation sucked like a black hole. The good thing is everyone else's sucked either the same or worse and my teacher wasn't even there to see us suck that bad. Also on the plus side, I don't need to go on Friday. Well we weren't told that but there were only 3 people there today that didn't present and basically no one else is going since they don't have to present. So Kim and I are going to FMSC instead. Yay! Ok, I just realized that that is too big of a coincidence that Kim was planning on going the Friday that I end up not having to go to school on for that not to be God so: Thank you God! I would definitely much rather be packing food than going to watch presentations that I don't care about.
So my plans for the end of this week are to have a spa day for myself tomorrow hopefully while reading my new library books. Other than spa times I need to be reading Infancy stuff and doing study guides. I also have a performance at the park near the studio to deal with.
Good news is that April is so close to being over and I can't wait. The sooner April ends the sooner I will be free of school for a while!

Stupid People (NaBloPoMo #26)

So, I should be sleeping right now, especially since I have a presentation that is copletely messed up tomorrow. My team, as individual people are pretty cool but as a team we suck. Our powerpoint is just a mass of words which I would hate to be looking at if I were the audience. Well I guess there are two slides that arent, mine. My slide stick out like a sore thumb to me bacause they seem so bare.
Another thing I can complain about is the fact that I have to try and speak for 4 min on two slides because someone apparently did a better job at the second half of my section so they put her slides in instead. I am hoping that someone else is speaking on those slides because for one, I have no clue what exactly is on them and for two, what I have see on them is a repeat of the syptoms and I dont want to look like an idiot repeating the same thing for 5 slides.
I juat want tommorow morning to be over with. I'm already in a bad mood and I havent even gotten to sleep yet.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1 (NaBloPoMo #25)

So these last few posts might just be a countdown till the end of this I am just tired of having nothing to say . . .

So Close (NaBloPoMo #24)

6 more days, although it has been interesting and kind of nice blogging everyday for a month, I probably should have chosen a different month. I'm pretty sure I originally though having a ton of stuff going on would help me but that hast really been the case. Really, having all the other stuff to do has made me put off blogging until the end of the day where I crank out a nonsense Blog just to check it off my list. I'm thinking about doing this again in the summer so I hopefully can actually write somewhat meaningful blogs. Although even if I do that I can imagine not wanting to do anything since it's summer and putting it off till the end of the day and having them end up just like they are now . . . I will think about it.

Easter (NaBloPoMo #23)

It's the day before Easter and all through the house,
there's not a egg to be hidden not even for the mouse.
The baskets are tucked in the closet back there,
in hopes, no one will notice how they lay bare.
The teens are doing their own things unaware,
that the magic of Easter cant be found anywhere.

I feel very disillusioned. No, I did not just find out that the Easter Bunny is not real. Tomorrow when I wake up there wont be any eggs hidden in all the usual places. I know that I'm 18 and I'm getting too old for things like egg hunts but I still feel sad that I wont be able to make fun of my parents for not being original in where they hid the eggs, or search the house frantically for that last egg that we are just told has money instead of candy in it, or find that egg with money that we never found the year before. This Christmas we wont be able to laugh about the egg we find when we are redecorating. I guess the hunt isn't what I will miss, it's the memories that come with it . . .

A Little Bit Longer (NaBloPoMo #22)

I feel a little bit like a retard, seeing as I'm 18 and naming this after a Jonas Brothers song, but I'm wearing a JB shirt and I just saw them on a commercial so I'm calling it good. :-) There is actually a point to this other than that I am a too old JB fan.
I cant wait until school is over. I'm even almost waiting for the recital to just be done with, almost. I know this is going to sound stupid and its gonna get my hopes smashed when nothing happens but I feel like something is supposed to happen this summer and I'm anxious to find out what it is, if it is anything. I'm just so ready for it to be summer! Just a little bit longer ;-)

In The Wind (NaBloPoMo #21)

I love the wind. I love sitting and feeling the world move around me. I know, at least then that I don't have to be moving with it and I'm not getting left behind. In everyday life I feel like I'm being left behind, like my personal wind isn't strong enough . . . I'm just not having a good day.

Oh, Don't Worry I Already Feel Stupid . . . (NaBloPoMo #20)

You would think that if someone was constantly ridiculed for their choice in degree field that they would refrain from telling someone else that their degree is pointless. Right? Well apparently, Kim didn't get that memo since almost every time we talk about classes and degrees she is telling me that I'm not going to get anywhere with a degree in Social and Behavioral Science and that its basically Psychology so why didn't I just go for a psych degree. This is not what I want to hear when I don't even know what I'm planning to do when I graduate.

You would also think that if you were just talking about being teased for you degree choice that your last thought would be to make fun of someone else's but that too is apparently only common sense in my brain.

I'm so tired of being wrong! I can't wait to move out.

Stress! (NaBloPoMo #19)

Stress is starting to build up! It doesn't help your last few weeks of school, when everything is due at the same time, when your family apparently doesn't give a crap about you or your time. Yes I realize that people think that All I do with my life is play around and write stuff that does absolutely nothing for me but that is only because I know, if someone comes into my room, I will get nothing productive done so i switch to something else.

Today for example, I was just starting to watch a video that I needed to answer questions on when Kim walks in trying to find something to do while she takes a break from her homework. She asks me what I'm doing and I tell her I'm doing school. Now, if this had happened the other way around I would have left because, it's school, no one wants to do it in the first place so once you are doing it you just want to get it over with. But, no. Kim sits down on my bed and proceeds to tell me the list of school work that she has gotten done and still needs to do and how stressed she is. Seriously? You think I am not stressed too? I have more finals than you do and I have projects and things on top of that.

I realize that she has a lot of papers and things due super soon and I sympathize and i feel bad and I try to listen patiently while she complains. But I feel like if I do that for you I should get at least half of that in return even if you think you are more stressed out than me!

Of course I am probably wrong, I usually am on these things, and if I brought it up it would just end up being a fight about who is the most stressed which would get us nowhere. I honestly cannot wait until I can move out. I have basically made up my mind that I am going to start applying for a second job next semester. I want to be left alone.

Whoosh! (NaBloPoMo #18)

I feel bad for my poor puppy. She does not like the wind at all and it has been pretty windy lately. :-( Well, it's not so much that she doesn't like the wind, its that she doesn't like the smells that come with the wind. She's a jumpy dog in the first place so smelling something scary on the wind sends her running for the door and keeps her inside except for the mandatory potty breaks.

Also unfortunately for her I love the wind. So windy day combined with really nice temperature outside equals me sitting outside reading while Zoe watches me from the kitchen door. It was so pitiful, especially since I knew that if it hadn't been windy i would have been playing with her outside, not watching her watch me.

Poor baby.

In other news, my ballet class needs to be revamped. It is the only class that my girls do not take correction in, and they are all the same girls for all three, ballet tap and jazz. I don't understand it!

I will have to try to fix that for next year.

Sleep Is Not Productive But It Is Oh So Nice. (NaBloPoMo #17)

After that long sleepover that I actually didn't enjoy, I normally dread going and then have a pretty good time but that didn't happen this time, I was exhausted. My previous experience with sleepovers is that I get really tired after them but I stay awake all day and then just sleep real well the next night. I guess that was not on the schedule for this time.

I made it through church and it wasn't too bad, I ate lunch and started being somewhat productive. And then Kim comes in, we talk about a lot of random stuff, end up getting in a teeny weeny fight (We were both really tired and later apologized), and then I am left laying on my bed . . . bad idea. I fall asleep and don't wake up until it's time to go back to church, if I got up immediately. That didn't happen and although I was planning on getting up and being productive some more, I fell asleep . . . until mom and Kim came back from church. Not exactly how I wanted to spend my day. Not that it wasn't nice or anything, I just had a lot of things that I wanted to get done.

In other news, Gem almost got murdered today. After the sleep over she decided that she was too tired to go to church. That was annoying in the first place but her reasoning was just the icing on the cake. "I'm just too tired, I wont want to talk to any of the kids, you wouldn't want me at a party if I was going to be this tired." Really? For one, the three other people at the sleep over, who slept the same amount as you all went to church. Two, you are saying that you cant put some sleep deprivation aside in order to talk to some fifth and sixth graders for an hour? I think that says a lot about how much you actually care about these kids. And last, not to say Club 56 isn't fun but comparing it to a party? Really? This is your commitment, not a weekend fling. Show some loyalty.

Quickie (NoBloPoMo #16)

So I have a lot going on this weekend which is why I am going to just do a really quick post.

Today I have been up since 6:30 and have been to FMSC and stuck a bunch of stickers on a bunch of bags. That was fun but there were a lot of extremely loud, obnoxious, teenagers. Its a good thing Kim and I were on stickers without anyone else for most of the time. :-)

After that we drove to Wendy's and picked up lunch. Yum! Now I am at the dance studio. I have an hour and fifteen minutes before I have my dance class and then I have to go home and possibly clean the yard and give Zoe a bath. Those are only if I have enough time before I have to pick Emelia up and go to Gem's house for a sleepover.

Ugh, I know I will probably have fun but it has already been a long day and i already want to go to sleep. :-P

Attitude Adjustment (NaBloPoMo #15)

I'm assuming my newest challenge, as per God, is to work on having a good attitude even when I am not especially happy. After my cooking experiments did not work too well last night i was just frustrated and annoyed and in a generally bad mood and that mood transfered to this morning when Kim was annoying me a little bit and then having to rush around to shop. It also didn't help much that I just didn't want to be in a good mood, I wanted to have my little pity party. But, when I noticed I was starting to take my annoyance out on my mom I stopped and prayed for the strength to find a good attitude, and it kind of worked.

Then comes time to go to the studio. I have to stay late at the studio, or at least later than normal cause mom is taking the day off. I dont really mind, it's not a big deal. What was actually annoying me once we got there was Jessica and her dogs. They are adorable (Other than the fact that one of them has really bad gas, which I currently smell like :-() but they are so out of control.

One of the things that I can't stand with dogs and dog owners is when the owner keeps repeating a command (like 'sit'), over and over again. I am also not fond of forcing a dog to do what you want more than the first time or two or else you are rewarding the dog for something they didn't even do. Anyway, Jessica is not especially good at disciplining her kids so I dont know why I thought she would be any better at training two dogs. They are all over the place and constantly fighting to find out who is the alpha.

Jessica is convinced that as long as she shows them that she is the alpha there wont be a problem because thats how it worked with her last dog. But, her last dog was an only child, so to speak, now she has two sister. Another problem with her theory is that she isn't showing them that she is supposed to be the alpha. I don't even especially believe in the whole alpha dog thing, but if I did, she is doing it all wrong. They drag her every which way on the leash and do whatever the hell they please. If she is even trying to be alpha, she is doing a horrible job. I wish I could try and train them. Which I might see if she will let me do that over the summer. She want's to get another girl we know to train them but she does agility training and they kind of need some obedience training first so I'll see what I can do :-)

Anyways, I got off track, because of how annoying she and her dogs were being, I was starting to get really annoyed and I just couldn't wait until she left. I have now checked myself and am in a much better mood but i wish I could have thought of it earlier so that I could have tried to adjust while still being annoyed but, oh well, baby staps right?

A Little Birdie Made My Day (NaBloPoMo #14)

On the way to class today I saw this little bird who made my day. Now, Don't laugh at me because I would rather be entertained by the little things than go through life less happy than I could be. This little bird was hilarious, he would either hop or run a few inches and then he would stop, pull his wings out a little bit at a time and then fold them back and do it all over again. It was the cutest thing. :-D It's the little things in life that just make my day.

I guess that's all I have to say for today other than . . .

YAY!!!!!!! I'm halfway done with April.

This means a few things

~Halfway done with NaBloPoMo

~Halfway done with Script Frenzy (And caught up)

~Only a month and a half away from recital

~3 weeks away from the end of school

~Two weeks into my Day Zero challenge and I have already crossed 2 or 3 things off my list :-D

I am so proud of myself and happy that I have made it this far! I cant wait to finish out the month. (Hopefully as strong as I started out!)

Good Nights = Good Days (NoBloPoMo#13)

Last night was amazing! . . . . Well it was mostly amazing! I am in such a good mood this morning that I don't even mind to much that I have to go to a class that I REALLY don't like anymore.

Last night I . . .

~Caught up and got ahead of my Script Frenzy goal

~Didn't feel like Lyrical was the longest class in the world

~Experimented with dinner

~Liked what came out of my dinner experiment

~Got all the pictures and things that I needed done

Amd Best of all!!!!

~I found out that my sister-in-law is pregnant!!!!!!

That last one is the one I am SUPER excited about. I know it isn't set in stone but I juat have a feeling she is going to have a little girl! I have 4 nephew right now and while I love them to death, I am waiting for that little girl that I can shower with glitter! AHHHH!!! :-) I heard about it yesterday and had a grin for an our later and now I can't stop smiling again :-D Part of the reason this is also amazing news is because a while ago this sister-in-law had told us she didn't think she could have kids so it was probably the best surprise ever!!!!!

Criminal (NaBloPoMo #12)

I feel like a criminal. Part of my head is telling me that it's no big deal and another part is screaming "Oh My Gosh! You Ran A Red Light!!!!!!"

Yes, I ran a red light. it was completely on accident. I don't think they take that as an excuse though. I was driving home from cleaning the studio and I wasn't paying attention. There's this light by a high school and it's almost never red or at least it only turns red as you're coming up to it. This time it was red before I got there and I didn't even realize it. I nearly had a heart attack when I realized as I went through the intersection. The good thing is that this light it pretty deserted, there is rarely anyone going through it so there wasn't even anyone around to see me run through.

I feel so horrible and i have this little headache that has been getting worse since it happened. Now I'm a little worried about driving. It feels to me like my concentration on driving and, as a result, my driving skills have been deteriorating lately. Frankly, i scare myself . . . Well that's all the freak out session I have time for, gotta go to school.