Outsider (NaBloPoMo #8)

I hate being an outsider. I guess part of the reason why I hate it so much is because I always feel like one. I cant remember a time that I really felt that I belonged somewhere. I guess when I was at my old dance studio. I felt like an insider. I belonged there because I had been there since ever.

Now I feel like I cant be an insider because I am an insider. That doesn't really make sense, but it does. I'm the owners kid, I feel like I'm not especially friends with anyone at the studio because I feel like I'm a spy of sorts. I also am older than most of them. Of course that doesn't mean that I am really friends with other teachers either. Kristy's older than me and she is also my teacher as well as being a coworker, so that is complicated. Kristin, while she is a decent person and I don't think she is absolutely horrible, she just isn't who I have a real desire to be great friends with.

Sorry, I should tell you what brought this on. I went to the Pinon meeting and, while it was pretty fun, I felt like a retard most of the time. I felt like an outsider. I know I expected it but feeling it and wanting so much to be part of a group right now, it was not very easy for me. I don't know. I guess I'm waiting to feel like I belong and nothing that I try works. Pinon is just another attempt to be a part of a group and I just don't know if it's going to work . . .

This Weekend (NaBloPoMo #7)

Ugh Procrastination :-( So, I have nothing to write about today, or at least nothing that springs to mind 45 min after my bed time so I was going to use the NaBloPoMo prompt for today but it was about a lucky item, of which I have none. So instead I am using the one for tomorrow which is already posted and asks: What is one thing you are looking forward to this weekend?

The one thing I am looking forward to this weekend . . . I kind of have two but one is not actually on the weekend, depending on what you count as the weekend. The one that doesn't count is tomorrow. I have a meeting to go to for a missions trip (Pinon) I am going on. The family who are the central coordinators of this are old family friends who are a very funny group so it's sure to be a fun meeting. I wasn't able to go last time which was the first meeting cause of something else so I am excited to see what's going to happen. There is another reason that I am excited to go to this meeting, I happen to be crushing on one of the sons of this family. I went on a different missions trip with him last year and developed this crush and, although I really haven't seen him since we got back from that trip I am still crushing pretty bad. It doesn't help that I am a hopeless romantic and have a way overactive imagination. :-)

The second thing I am looking forward to is going back to FMSC on Saturday. FMSC stands for Feed My Starving Children. You can volunteer to pack food that is sent to starving children around the world. Kim and I have been going a lot lately and I finally figured out how to describe why we go. I used to say it was fun but then everyone goes 'Doing the same repetitive motion, over and over again is fun?' I guess fun wasn't the right word. It's enjoyable. And I mean that in the best possible way. I don't have to think a lot and I'm doing something for someone else at the same time. It's enjoyable.

So that is what I am looking forward to this weekend. Also, I'm going to work on my left handed writing but thats not so much a set thing as a 'I hope I get to it' thing. :-)