Competition (NaBloPoMo #9)

I am starting to get the feeling that my friend is crushing on my crush . . . Which is ok with me, generally, but it does make me feel a little threatened.

So my friend . . . lets call her Priscilla (:-P), was texting me on Thursday . . . or it was Friday afternoon, I cant remember. We were talking about the meeting and she invited me to hang out with her, and a few of the teenage/college people who were going on the trip, after the meeting. This group was supposed to include my crush . . . Let's call him Connor . . . so initially I was like, "Yeah, sure I'll go." and then the first weird thing happened, Priscilla says "Well we are going to be staying out pretty late . . ." I was assuming that anyway but then as I thought about it more, I remembered that I would have to get up early and decided not to go.

Priscilla made fun of me a little but I thought it was kind of strange that she would invite me and then seem to try to get me to back out. But, whatever.

Then, today I asked her if she had fun hanging out with everyone and she went off telling me that it was ok but Connor ditched and it made her feel bad about herself and went off on a little pity party, which I thought was strange because even if I like a guy, I am not going to feel bad about myself if he ditches hanging out with a group of people that I am included in. And, I definately wouldn't feel bad about myself if I wasn't crushing on the guy.

Those incidents, along with a conversation we had a while ago about me not being upset that she, Connor and some other guy had hung out after the last meeting that I couldn't go to, make me start to suspect that she likes him too.

I think this upsets her more than it does me cause my thoughts are that you like who you like and guys like who they like. Just cause I like a guy and you hide your feelings about a guy doesn't make it anymore likely that he will decide to ask me out or whatever. I find that "Girl Code" dibs type system retarded. Girls can like the same guy and it is his choice who he is going to pay attention to.

The only reason I feel a little threatened by this is because I am a very shy person and she is not. I'm scared that he will end up liking her instead of me but in the end, what happens happens. Priscilla is pretty and gets hit on a lot. I guess just because she might like him now doesn't make him anymore likely to like her. She would be more outgoing than me in any case. I guess I am also now afraid that if she likes him and he asks me out, she might be upset. . . I don't know, I might be reading to far into this, like I do often. I should just ignore it and go to bed.

Good night, hopefully this all works out in the end. :-)

I am MAD!!!

I am MAD. A strange sentence coming from me. I tend to be sad, upset disappointed, lonely. Not normally mad but I have a good reason. I've always known I'm shy but yesterday I found out the true extent of it. And it's really really stupid!
So, I like this guy at church and last week I lost my phone and he found it. This part I was expecting. I went up to him told him I thought he had my phone and he gave it to me then I sand thanks and walked away. Normal. Then I was telling my dad about what happened and he said a good way to start talking to him is to go up to him the next day and thank him for finding my phone again. I was totally into doing that cause I really like this guy. I spent almost all week planning on talking to him and I got really excited cause I was finally gonna talk to a guy I like! Sunday morning comes around and I tell my friends that they have to make me go and talk to him cause I'm going to wimp out if I have no one keeping me there. Unfortunately, my friends apparently don't understand the word 'force' because the songs started and I hadn't talked to him.
I wasn't completely upset cause I still had after the sermon. But after the service my friends still didn't have the guts to get me to go up to him. And the one friend that would have didn't get the message of what I was trying to do until he disappeared. Yay I just showed how deathly afraid of guys I am. I got really upset and went into the bathroom where Emelia (A.K.A. the only friend that would have helped if she could) found me and made me feel a little better about my patheticness before two of my other friends came in and believed Emelia when she said I was crying when she accidentally poked me in the eye. Really? I mean, REALLY! You believe that!? But whatever I'm getting over how gullible they are.
Then we go to meet up with my sister and her now ex-boyfriend, that is where I find out that two of my friends ended up finding the guy I like and talking to him for a while somewhere else. Like OK I have no problem with them talking to him per se, I don't care that they talked to him just that they could and I couldn't. Not the best picker-upper. So I go through the day disappointed in myself and end up deciding to go to the high school/college football game after the evening service, the Turkey Bowl. He was there and playing and I was drooling over him the whole time as well as a semi-old crush that I have recently found in the crowd again that I might have accidentally offended him cause I was taking care of a bunch of kids and couldn't really talk to him.
So last night I'm crying in my bed thinking how stupid I am because I can't even talk to a guy and one of the things a friend said to try to get me to go up to him. She said if I couldn't talk to him I would end up being the crazy cat lady while everyone else is going to be married with children, all because I can't talk to a crush. oh joy.

Reunited And It Feels So . . . Invisible?

So there is this guy. I've known him forever, like we were in the same Sunday school class from first grade through, like, sixth. I don't really know know him its more like I know of him. I used to have a crush on him a long time ago and then he disappeared. Then, I think it was at a Jr. High lock-in at Church he shows up again and starts talking to me while I'm trying to climb a rock wall. Once I get down we talk a little more and then it's his turn and I wanted to hang out with my friends and I leave. Finally last night I had a weird dream that he came to church (Junior year of high school) and have this weird feeling all morning and he ends up actually coming to the high school group, weird, I know.
So Elizabeth and I decided to go over and say high cause he was all alone and I was standing in front of him while Elizabeth was next to him and he like completely ignored me. I'm not saying that he had to be like completely into me but he like never even looked at me. Am I that ugly that a guy doesn't even want to look at me? Cause that's like the only thing I can think of.