Meant for More (NaBloPoMo #3)

Have you ever felt like you were meant to do more or be more than you are currently?

I have had this feeling for a while now and it's so frustrating. I feel like I'm supposed to go out and do new things, like live in Hawaii and visit Europe, but everything I do to try and get me there just falls through. It's so frustrating feeling like you are supposed to be doing something and wanting to do it but not being able to. And, I know I am supposed to be trusting God and asking Him what I am supposed to be doing and I am, kinda, but I have never felt this way before about anything so I kind of feel like this is what people talk about when they say "God laid it on my heart to do this" so I would assume that if God 'lays something on my heart' shouldn't God also show me the way to do it?

I feel like since I seem to have no purpose or goal where I am, it would be the perfect reason to go somewhere else but I cant get there so what do I do?

My Mediocre Life

I’m so tired of my life.

No, this isn’t my suicide note. I auditioned for a dance competition a few days ago and didn’t make it. Although I’m disappointed that I didn’t make it into the competition what I’m more frustrated about is my mediocrity. I feel like people I know are doing things they love with their life or at least working toward something they love. I feel like everyone else is going somewhere while I’m not.

Yes I’m about to graduate college, but what for? I have no real desire to work at a hotel be in HR (Which, by the way, is where I’m aiming for just cause). I feel like I am going nowhere at break-neck speed. I want to do something that I have some kind of passion for but I have no clue what that thing is!

I feel like I’m treading water and then trying to brag. “Who cares if I’m not going anywhere or if I’m not happy, I’m swimming the fastest.”

I read things about people who quit their jobs go off and just fly by the seat of their pants and are happy because they left to do what they love. But what if you don’t know what you love? What if you we raised not to be reckless and quit everything on a whim? What am I supposed to do?

My life feels so mediocre but I feel like I am meant for more than mediocrity . . . But I guess most people feel that way don’t they? So I guess I should just put my head down and trudge through just like everyone else.

. . . But what if that kills me?